My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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