So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
