I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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