tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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