I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
