I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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