fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
