He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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