i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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