i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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