who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
