oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
