Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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