I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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