I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
