If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sext me about skeletons
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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