i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
