3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Let's paint friendship bongs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
