Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
