if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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