Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
