I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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