He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this will be a night to untag.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
