It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
