I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
