if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
