If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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