I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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