I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
