I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
