Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
