I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
