i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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