she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
