You just made me feel so damn special
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
