I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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