I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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