just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
