I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
