I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
