Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
