Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
