Non-Jews are for practice
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
