i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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