I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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