You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
