1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
