I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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