forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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