in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You pole danced in your parka.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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